Denial... is Powerful
June 2007 Article - Julie Carter
If there is one thing I have learned, and seen firsthand--time after time--it's that denial is a monster, a nasty one too.
There can be something terribly wrong with you, and because you don't want to face it, it is NOT there. It could be ruining every minute of everyday you are breathing, but because you refuse to accept it, and take action, it is just NOT there.
This is not an affliction that plagues individuals only, it is poisoning marriages, families, friendships, entire community's, and states. History has shown that denial can influence and even completely take over whole countries.
How can this be?
Someone buys a lie, it's that simple. An un-truth is accepted, digested and set in concrete. If a newcomer arrives with a different opinion and contests the issue, they may be unwelcome. Sometimes the listener knows in their heart that what they are hearing is incorrect, but it would be too costly and time-consuming to look for the truth and challenge it, so the cowardly approach is much easier, why bother? After all, it's not their battle, it's not them, it's not their child.
If the battle affected the listener directly, and the listener became one of the suffering, perhaps that suffering would give birth to an advocate....
Denial: The refusal to admit the reality of, or to
acknowledge the presence or existence of something, keeping out of
conscious awareness anxiety-producing realities; A defense mechanism.
~ Taber's Cyclopedic Med. Dictionary, Ed. 17, pg. 512
In defense of those in chronic denial, I understand, having been there myself regarding my own health. I knew something was wrong, and I knew I had to face it eventually, but after all the misdiagnoses and incorrect care (and neglect, for lack of a better word), I was more than hesitant to go back to the medical community for "help" on my own behalf. Besides, I had my daughter(s) to put before me, and anyone else who needed anything. Finally, it was inevitable. I could barely help myself in the shape I was in.
For me, it took 10 doctors, 6 radiologists and techs, x-rays (in 3 different states) and a lovely woman who did some testing called "Urodynamics" to figure out that I was born with a very Tethered Spinal Cord. I finally had the courage to get the damn thing un-tied, my 9th surgery. Not only was it pulled down 3 and 1/2 inches, but I also had a hole in my cord from a surgical procedure done nearly 5 years previously. It was leaking CSF...
Just so you know, denial isn't invisible, everyone sees it for what it is, unless of course, they are in denial with you... You cannot hide behind denial, eventually the truth will be revealed, and your performance will no longer be applauded. This too, is inevitable.
A CSF leak.....
Unless you've had one, and know how bad it really is, you would not
even be able to comprehend the misery. You cannot bend over or lift
anything at all. The slightest amount of movement or effort can put you
down, horizontal, for days, weeks, or months at a time. It may feel like
your face and head are going to explode, literally; like the worst
sinus-infection ever. But it's not a sinus-infection. It's a CSF leak,
and it can be very hard to stop.
The first time I ever heard of a "leak", was after one of our patients had a Myelogram; dye is shot into the lower end of the spinal cord with a very small needle, the patient is laid face down, and the table they are on is tilted head down, then pictures are taken. Sometimes that tiny needle hole does not close, and a CSF leak ensues.
The normal pressure inside the cord is now changed; this is the same fluid that travels throughout your brain, so the headache from hell begins. As soon as a CSF leak is suspected, the patient must return for a blood patch. A blood patch is done by drawing blood from that patients arm and shooting it back into the site where the CSF is leaking, with the hope that it will patch and seal up the leak. This method usually works, CSF is restored and the patient can stand up again.
But CSF leaks can happen in many other ways. It seems the military may have the most information regarding CSF leaks, caused by blunt force trauma; but most of those studied were casualties.
A Penetrating Brain Injury, PBI, was the cause of these losses, most involving bone fragments or projectiles penetrating the dura and causing CSF to leak, which was followed by infection. This dura is the "skin" or membrane that covers and protects your brain and spinal cord, and holds in your Cerebrospinal Fluid, this skin was not created to be breached.
So, if you're not injured fighting for your country, how else could you end up with a CSF leak? Simply by slipping and falling on a hard surface; or perhaps you had a sinus surgery, or maybe a more invasive brain surgery, but something went wrong. Now you regularly wake to find that your CSF has leaked out on your pillow again, thru your nose or your ear, and you cannot lift your head.
Works Cited
*Management of Cerebrospinal Fluid Leaks, (authors not listed) The Journal of TRAUMA* Injury, Infection, and Critical Care. 2001; Volume 51, Number 2, August Supplement, pages S29-S33. Accessed online at www.neurosurgery.org – 01-27-07
*Spontaneous Cerebrospinal Fluid Leaks May Present as Exertional Headache, by Justin Romano, RE: Mokri, Bahram, MD, a Professor of Neurology at Mayo Medical School, Rochester, Minnesota. Neurology Reviews.Com, 2002, January, Volume 10, No. 1. Accessed online at www.neurologyreviews.com – 01-27-07
*Cerebrospinal Fluid, Leak, Robertson, Hugh J., MD, DMR, FRCPC, FRCR, FACR, Professor Emeritus, Dept. of Radiology, Section of Neuroradiology, Louisiana State Univ. School of Med., -CoAuthors: Michael D’Antonio, MD, Assoc. Prof. of Clinical Rad, Louisiana State Univ. Health Sciences Center of New Orleans; Enrique Palacios, MD, FACR, Director of Rad., VA Medical Center, New Orleans. Accessed online at www.emedicine.com – 01-27-07